Get it “Out of the Way” Early
You don’t need the added pressure of concealment--plus the more you try to hide tics, the worse they can get. Although you probably shouldn’t introduce yourself with , “Hi, my name’s Joel, and I have Tourette’s,” it’s a good idea to clear the air early on. Suggestion: Take the opportunity offered the next time you tic. You can be sure he or she noticed, so you might say, “you know that twitchy thing I do? It’s because I have Tourette Syndrome.” After that you can provide as much or as little information as the person’s reaction seems to require. A joke or two can come in handy as well.
You don’t need the added pressure of concealment--plus the more you try to hide tics, the worse they can get. Although you probably shouldn’t introduce yourself with , “Hi, my name’s Joel, and I have Tourette’s,” it’s a good idea to clear the air early on. Suggestion: Take the opportunity offered the next time you tic. You can be sure he or she noticed, so you might say, “you know that twitchy thing I do? It’s because I have Tourette Syndrome.” After that you can provide as much or as little information as the person’s reaction seems to require. A joke or two can come in handy as well.
Blurting
That very tic-like occurrence that happens when you feel compelled to say something completely inappropriate—is one of the most frequent worries that people with TS have on a date. It’s a concern because it does happen sometimes. If this is one of your fears, it’s a lot easier to explain before it actually happens than afterwards.
Symptom Substitution
is one strategy you can use if you currently have a tic that you fear might offend your date. Talk to a doctor or therapist who knows TS well about how to do this (basically, it involves finding an alternative behavior that satisfies the same urge). For example: say you have a nose-picking tic—there might be something else you could do with your finger when that urge comes on. With a bit of practice, you can avoid causing offense, even though it might not be possible to stop ticcing altogether.
is one strategy you can use if you currently have a tic that you fear might offend your date. Talk to a doctor or therapist who knows TS well about how to do this (basically, it involves finding an alternative behavior that satisfies the same urge). For example: say you have a nose-picking tic—there might be something else you could do with your finger when that urge comes on. With a bit of practice, you can avoid causing offense, even though it might not be possible to stop ticcing altogether.
Talk About It, Role Play
Many people with TS, especially those whose symptoms are more severe, worry about finding a partner to discuss these things with. The issue may be what you think about yourself, not how others see you. Childhood and adolescent experiences of being teased and bullied, can lower self-esteem. In one Canadian study1, 40 percent of adults with TS reported problems in dating or making friends. For some, seeing a counsellor can help talk through your experiences, and perhaps help you role-play the things you worry about, like introducing yourself to someone new or telling a date about your TS.
Many people with TS, especially those whose symptoms are more severe, worry about finding a partner to discuss these things with. The issue may be what you think about yourself, not how others see you. Childhood and adolescent experiences of being teased and bullied, can lower self-esteem. In one Canadian study1, 40 percent of adults with TS reported problems in dating or making friends. For some, seeing a counsellor can help talk through your experiences, and perhaps help you role-play the things you worry about, like introducing yourself to someone new or telling a date about your TS.
Lower the Stress Level
Meeting new people is stressful for everyone, .but the same things that work for others can work for you too. Find ways to be in low-stress situations with lots of potential partners. Instead of the high-anxiety bar and club scene, for example, you might try joining a martial arts class or taking a night class in a foreign language. Meeting someone with a shared interest reduces the stress level because you aren’t literally “on the prowl,” so there’s less pressure to perform. Others swear by speed dating events, organised singles parties that include icebreaker games and such. And of course, going out with a group of friends means you can check out the local venues but still have a great time if your pick up lines fall flat. Online dating is a possibility as well.
Meeting new people is stressful for everyone, .but the same things that work for others can work for you too. Find ways to be in low-stress situations with lots of potential partners. Instead of the high-anxiety bar and club scene, for example, you might try joining a martial arts class or taking a night class in a foreign language. Meeting someone with a shared interest reduces the stress level because you aren’t literally “on the prowl,” so there’s less pressure to perform. Others swear by speed dating events, organised singles parties that include icebreaker games and such. And of course, going out with a group of friends means you can check out the local venues but still have a great time if your pick up lines fall flat. Online dating is a possibility as well.
Play Your StrengthsMany people with TS have some advantages over others when it comes to dating – good verbal skills, quick minds and quick wit. You can probably charm anyone—just give yourself the chance. Try honing your “charm” skills with relatives, neighbors, barristas, even pets.
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